Monday, 30 July 2007

paintwork

Gripping the paintbrush with my teeth, lying flat on my belly on the lino, I maneuver myself with both hands, angling my body to fit into the small space down the side of the loo. Once in position, I remove the paintbrush from my mouth. Stretching as far as I can and twisting very slightly to the left, I manage to coat the area that evaded other decorators before me.

I unravel myself from the around the toilet and scramble over to sit, fully clothed in the (empty) bath; prime viewing position for that particular spot.

Success.

Never again will I be blighted whilst bathing by the unsightly view of a neglected skirting board.

Feeling accomplished in the ways of one coat gloss. I move on to the door.

Lovingly, painstakingly I apply the paint. I am careful to distribute it evenly, avoiding the reservoirs that form where the brush transfers paint from the tin, catching drips, guiding regimented brush stroke rivers that will merge into a smooth surface once the paint relaxes and dries.

Satisfied with my evening’s efforts, the light now fading, I clear up and wash my hands. I open the window, ever so slightly, so that the fresh air can circulate and dry out the paint a little quicker. I set the door to a safe position so that my near perfect surface won’t be knocked or brushed up against or tampered with in any way. And as I settle into half an hour of well earned relaxation, a little black fly makes its way through the window and settles too....permanently...into the slightly tacky, fresh new paintwork.

19 comments:

maxxo said...

omigod. you sound like me. i love my DIY.

Rhet said...

"...Never again will I be blighted whilst bathing by the unsightly view of a neglected skirting board...."

I should think it easier to just stop bathing there. Innit?

"...a little black fly makes its way through the window and settles too....permanently...into the slightly tacky, fresh new paintwork..."

I am dialing the SPCA as I write this.
Cruel, cruel woman.

It is about time, ya put up something new!
Well written.

Rhet said...

Oooops.
Is it the RSPCA there?

Northern Creative said...

maxxo - i'm not sure if i love DIY exactly, but i'm working on it. By the way - what is that on your profile picture? It looks like a knitted firework.

rhet - why thankyou for the compliment and the kick up the arse. Yes, it is RSPCA, people pay more attention if there's 'royal' at the beginning.

Rhet said...

Kick up the arse?

Que?

Northern Creative said...

your motivational comment demanding a new post was the 'kick up the arse' i was refering too. comprende?

Rhet said...

Spanish!
The Loving tongue!
Descended from survivors of the Spanish Armada are we?

Time for some more motivational commentary?

Rhet said...

Consider your arse kicked!
Jaysus, I do so hate you folks that have lives outside of the blog world!

Northern Creative said...

woah there. hang on a bit. i've been away and still coming to terms with that.....

Rhet said...

I will be patient.
Lord knows I have spent my life to date being patient.
Away?
Were you in Ibiza? Playground of the Brit?

Northern Creative said...

tee hee. IBIZA? me? that's funny. I'm so not 'your typical brit'. Or maybe i am, more so that i realise. No, i was in Wales, in a cottage, up the side of a mountain, in the rain.

Rhet said...

"...No, i was in Wales, in a cottage, up the side of a mountain, in the rain...."

Sheesh, everybody knows the Welsh aren't real? Tell me the truth!
If not Ibiza then Corfu. On a boat named 'Noah', with a nice deckhand, in the rain, cottaging!
Yes?

If it was raining why not stay in the cottage instead of going up the side of a mountain? You Brits do so like to keep that stiff upper lip, innit?

Northern Creative said...

Nooooo....the cottage was up the side of the mountain. I was in the cottage and it was raining outside!

Cottaging? Isn't that what some gay men do?

Rhet said...

"...Cottaging? Isn't that what some gay men do?..."

I thought that it applied to heterosexual couples as well?

What do I know, I'm in the colonies.

Rhet said...

Two weeks now!
Is it any wonder the sun never no longer sets on the empire?

Northern Creative said...

rhet - please see new post!

the brother said...

Sterling work the sister.

However, I think your DIY credibility would be increased if you kept paintbrushes is jam jars of turps in your kitchen(year round), neatly folded dust sheets and use old underpants as rags!

Love

the brother

Northern Creative said...

all of the above now apply to me. i have inherited the family ways of decorating, including only being able to choose pastel green/peach as a colour scheme.

slubomirski said...

You have done it again. Taken something drab and mundane and turned it into a sparkling jewel! Boy can you write. I have taken lots of new photos and will soon send you some more for our collaborative project.
Regards, Stefan